Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Thursday, November 29, 2012


It was just about this time last year that I published this post about aguinaldos for mail carriers and employees, be they part or full-time.  I believe it is worth publishing again as a reminder to all of us living in Mexico.  So, here it is again:

Yes, it is definitely that time of year. It all starts with the mail carriers who have their special day on November 12, Dia del Cartero. In your mail box, they will leave a card with a return envelope, preprinted with their name on it. (Convenient, huh?)

You simply insert your “gift” as a token of appreciation for their service for the past year. I think they must like me because I actually participate in giving, partially because I have always given to my mailman when in the States in appreciation for the services they provide, and partially out of fear that if I don’t give, I may never receive another piece of mail as long as I live in Mexico!  

On the other hand, I readily give generously to my housekeeper who works for me fulltime, year round. She is an integral part of my adopted family that I have been fortunate enough to have for 23+ years now. She is a single mother and has two children and a small house that she supports on the salary I pay her. In addition, any special needs that arise, I take care of plus I help whenever I can throughout the year. Her Christmas bonus is above and beyond the norm, and includes several gifts for both her and the children. I do believe that it is more blessed to give than to receive and this is one way I can give back to the community that I have chosen to live in. Something I think we all should do.

If you live in Mexico and you have an employee such as a housekeeper, gardener, cook, driver, or just someone who stops by to help you with chores every now and then, you should consider paying an Aguinaldo. It is customary to do so here in the Yucatan and throughout Mexico as well. There are even formulas on the internet to ascertain the amount you should pay!

Basically, from what I have seen from others living here, the Aguinaldo is considered the “Thirteenth Pay”. That is, one months’ salary for either full or part time help. In addition, to the monetary part of the Aguinaldo, a gift, or gifts, are often given as a token of appreciation for loyal service and/or longevity of service, or both.

Aguinaldo’s are usually paid in Mid-November up to the first part of December and often represents the total “Christmas” the family will have, including food, drink, and gifts. Often, the children in the family will receive some new clothing as their gift and are absolutely delighted to do so! (Unlike some children “north of the border”.) Let’s face it, the people that work for us are generally poor and do the best they can with what they have. It doesn’t hurt to help. It feels GREAT!

You don’t have to give until it hurts, just give until it helps.

Sunday, November 25, 2012


I have recently been thinking of all the wonderful things there are to be thankful for while living here in Merida.  Mind you, it is not “cheap” to live here, but you do get a bigger bang for your buck on many items.

I live on a budget but do take the opportunity to splurge on myself whenever I can.  For example, I have a massage therapist come to my home twice a week and I receive physical therapy and massage therapy.  He is a licensed professional (four year college graduate) and does a great job.  His charge is 150 pesos for one hour.  150 pesos is the approximate equivalent of $11.50 US.

The other day, I went for a haircut, shave, and manicure.  Each service cost 90 pesos, or the approximate equivalent of $7.00 US.  There are many places that charge less, but you get what you pay for.  I normally only get a shave and a haircut, but there was a new girl in the shop just starting out so I thought I’d help her out a bit and give her some business by having a manicure.  I rarely get a manicure, but I actually enjoyed the pampering.  While getting my manicure, Evelyn was cutting my hair.  Afterwards, I received a facial cleansing and light facial massage with a skin treatment prior to my shave.  After the shave, more facial cleansing, a bit of gel for my hair, and I was on my way, feeling like a million dollars.  All of this cost only $21.00, plus tips of course.  How can you afford not to pamper yourself every now and then?  I cannot imagine what such services would cost in the US or Canada, but I’m sure it would definitely be more than $21.00 US.

Having had an on-again, off-again, stomach flu bug for the past two weeks, I decided to go to the doctor.  Most local pharmacies, have a doctor on staff.  They are usually young and just starting out, but nonetheless, they are medical school graduates.  I knew I needed an antibiotic to get rid of this bug I had and explained my symptoms to the young doctor.  He diagnosed me with an intestinal inflammation and gave me a script for an antibiotic, cipro.  His charge:  zero/nothing/nada!  His services are a courtesey of the pharmacy.  I went to the pharmacy to fill my script and the medication cost only a few dollars.  Total charge for doctor’s visit and medications was approximately $11.00. 

So yes, there are some tremendous advantages of living here in Merida.  But realize that, comparatively speaking, not everything is so inexpensive.  There are lots of items that cost more here than in the States.  Food prices keep going up and up, as does gasoline.  Electricity is another big ticket item, too, as are most electronics.  But, after all is said and done, you can live comfortably here, even on a fixed income.

Life is good here in Merida and I am grateful for all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.

Thursday, August 16, 2012


I received an e-mail from a good friend and want to share it with you and I hope you, in turn, will want to share it with your family and friends.  This little known fact about the board game Monopoly has recently come to light after being de-classified by the British Government in 2007.  I checked both the internet and SNOPES, and it is a true story.  Here is the e-mail I received from my friend, JS:

Starting in 1940, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape.

Now obviously, one of the most helpful   aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.

Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush. Someone in MI-5 got the idea of printing escape maps on silk because it's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.

At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.

By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U.K. Licensee for the popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and pastimes' was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages', dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.

Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were located . When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.

As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington's also managed to add:

1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass;

2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together;

3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!

British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.

Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets.. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.

The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honoured in a public ceremony.

Realize most of you are (probably) too young to have any personal connection to WWII (Sep. '39 to Aug. '45), but this is still interesting. 

In my last post, it was hats off to the artisans of Becal, Campeche.  I now take my hat off to those ingenious Brits, and especially to those loyalists working at Waddington’s Ltd, Great Britain.  Thank you just doesn’t seem sufficient for their efforts.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


The tiny pueblo of Becal lies 80 kilometers southeast of Merida, Yucatan, just over the border in the state of Campeche.  Becal’s population of approximately 6,500 is a friendly and hospitable group whose smiles could easily challenge those of a Cheshire cat!  A happy group of industrious folks, still steeped in Mayan traditions, will welcome you with open arms.

Other than smiling faces, Becal has only one industry and that is weaving.  Hats, purses, jewelry, baskets, and other trinkets are all hand woven by individual families, not factories.  And they are the best of the best when it comes to hand weaving, the art of which has been passed down from generation to generation.

The trip there began without fanfare and a map.  Unfortunately, unlike a  “Trip-Tik” map from Triple A Motor Club of America, our map didn’t show any of the road construction and we were forced to navigate numerous detours to the point that we actually missed our turn off.  I must add that it wasn’t our fault as there were no signs! 

As soon as we entered by the main square in Becal, we somehow picked up an escort on a bicycle.  His name was Paco, about 15 or 16 years old, and he obviously knew all the hot spots of Becal.  He offered to take us to some homes that were open and offering their goods for sale and he also offered to show us the best place to eat in town.  I’m 100% sure he was either related to these folks, or at the very least, knew them well. 

We followed him to an unassuming little house where the senora welcomed us with a broad smile.  We entered a small, very clean home and were encouraged to go to the backyard area where the gruta  (cave) was and enjoy its coolness.  It’s been said that most homes in Becal sport a small gruta in their backyard.  I recall that when I had visited there some 20+ years ago, I remembered seeing many such caves in the backyards of the local towns people.

You might ask, “why a small cave in the backyard”?  It all has to do with the processing of the jibi (palm frond leaves) that are required for the construction of the hats and such.  The whole process starts with the selection of the palm frond, and this determines the quality of the hat.  The palms are dried on clothes lines and then stripped into long sections, ready for weaving.  The finer the palm frond, the better quality the hat is.

The hats are hand woven and then placed inside the grutas to cure.  The grutas are  cool and very humid and the dried palm fronds absorb the humidity and add permanent shaping to the hats as they cure.  When the process is complete, the better hats can be folded or rolled and will bounce back to shape in an instant. 

 Hats range in price from 4,000 pesos (approximately $308.00 US) to 200 pesos ($15.50 US).  The old cliché, “you get what you pay for” definitely holds true here.  The hats sold by the vendors on the streets of Merida are usually the lesser quality hats, and the vendors try and get as much as possible for one, usually averaging around 250+ pesos per hat. 

I opted not to buy a hat as I have several at home, but some friends along on the trip each purchased a very nice hat.  I purchased a hand woven skeleton and a colorful rosary, as shown in the photo below.  The senora holding the rosary is the one who wove them.   Having enjoyed our day, our guide, Paco, received a substantial tip, and we headed back to Merida for a late lunch.

Historically, the “Panama Hat” was an integral part of the typical dress of the locals, and remains so today.  Although named Panama hat, the original Panama hats came to us from Ecuador, not Panama!  (Whoda thunk it!”)

To the smiling faces of the locals and artisans of Becal, I say “HATS OFF”!

Thursday, June 28, 2012


Luckily, this new law will not affect those of us that were born abroad and living in Mexico.  The law does affect those that were born in Mexico, are living abroad, have become naturalized citizens of the country where they are living, and are traveling back to Mexico for a visit.

 A friend who became a US Citizen and is living in Los Angeles for the past 45+ years or so, arrived here in Merida for a visit with family and friends.  A trip she has made approximately every other year.  Normally, she presents her US passport and enters Mexico with no questions or problems.  Not so this visit.  In Houston, she was told she had to have a Mexican passport to re-enter the US.  At the airport here in Merida, she was told the same.  Because she had made this trip numerous times before, she paid little attention to the Immigration officials, but asked her nephew to check on this for her.

After several phone calls to Mexican immigration officials and much wasted time on the telephone, a specific answer to the question could not be ascertained.  One young lady said yes, she would need a Mexican passport to leave the country.  When asked if this was something new, she said it was not and that it had been in effect for ages.  Absolutely not true.

 I called the US Consulate here in Merida, explained the situation, and was advised that yes, my friend would have to have a Mexican passport to leave the country.  This was the result of a new law that was passed approximately one year ago. 

 While I do not begin to know the requirements to get a Mexican passport, I do know it requires lots of paperwork.  The gist of this post is to advise any friends or relatives you may have or know of that were born in Mexico, and became citizens of another country, of this new law and how it affects them. The price of the passport is approximately 2,100 pesos, and there is a myriad of paperwork requirements, including birth certificates, passport photos, you name it.  While it only takes 2 or 3 hours to get your passport, getting to the point of receiving it will be much more intense.

 Pass this on to anyone you know who may fit the category.  You will have saved them lots of heartache.

 Ahhhhhhhh, Immigration – wonder what they have in store for us next time we go to renew our paperwork so we can stay here and spend lots of money.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012



Lately, I haven’t blogged as much as I would have like to for a number of reasons. Primarily, I continue to experience difficulties with the Blogger Program with issues of spacing and multiple problems posting pictures. In addition, my Adobe Photoshop hasn’t been very cooperative, and I continue to have computer problems. I’ve had two different technicians out to check out some of the problems I’ve been having and both have assured me that I’m crazy. So be it. I have had fellow blogger’s tell me that they, too, experience problems with the blogger program and for no apparent reasons. Well, I can only assume that they are crazy too. We should start a club!

Although the first day of summer isn’t until June 20th, I’m already experiencing the summertime blues. I can only describe the heat as “hell-hot”, a phrase I coined many years ago and now have several people using. I plan all my activities for early mornings because after 11 or 12 o’clock, it is just too damn hot for me to be out running around. I’m actually getting pretty good at planning. The other day, I hit the bank, paid the electric, paid the water, got the car gassed up, and went to the grocery store! I was home before the high noon heat wave! It also seems like the humidity is much higher this year than in past summers. I hate it when you just get out of the shower and get soaked with perspiration while getting dressed. What a horrible feeling. Thank God I have air conditioning in all four bedrooms, the dining room and the living room. Anyone wanting to contribute to the fund for my electricity bill, please let me know and I’ll give you an account number for your deposit. In addition to all of the above, I haven’t been up to par of late. I’m getting physical/massage therapy twice a week and that is helping, but not curing. I take all my meds like a good little boy. (This getting old crap is for the birds – the vultures!)

Today, my primary whine is the traffic in Merida. OMG! To me, and others I have mentioned this to, it seems like traffic has at least doubled in the past year or so. The downtown streets are being torn up and replaced with cobble stone-like slabs of concrete. Electric and telephone wires are being re-routed to underground tunnel areas, and the police directing traffic are clueless. Traffic lights are not synchronized and someone needs to check this out to help the flow of traffic. I got caught in downtown traffic the other week for 45 minutes. I actually timed it. Supposedly, all that muss and fuss is over with, but I avoid the downtown area like the plague. But, it doesn’t matter where you drive anymore. There is bumper-to-bumper traffic in all directions. It isn’t unusual to wait for two light changes before you can get through some intersections. Street parking has been severely restricted, and traffic jams reign supreme. This old colonial city we love so dearly, is becoming a driving nightmare. At any given stop sign or traffic light, you will see license plates from other Mexican states, especially Mexico, District Federal, Tabasco, Veracruz, Quintana Roo, Campeche, and more. Because we have a reputation for being a safe city and not affected by the drug wars, thousands of Mexicans are migrating to Merida to avoid the drug wars in their own states. And they don’t drive any better than the locals! I could go on and on, but let it suffice to say, driving in Merida is becoming more and more difficult with every passing day.

I will try and do better about posting on my blog and will grin and bear it with the program and Adobe Photoshop, or I may take to drinking. If I post a blog and it’s not spaced properly, know that I tried or that I imbibed. I’ll continue to do my best to stay cool and “keep my cool”, too (a real challenge). I’d really love to get out of Merida for the two hottest months of summer, but I have to feel better first. And I will work on that, too.  I will also strive to be a courteous and safe driver and not bitch too much about the %&#?=#%traffic or lean on my horn, or use various hand and finger signs to communicate with other drivers.

Wish me luck!

Saturday, April 14, 2012




Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.




Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.




Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.


The Titanic


Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.




Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying...




Dear 2012,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!




Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.




Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.


Black people


Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.


Sarah Palin


Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.


Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.


Alcohol & Tobacco


Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012.

Our calendars ended there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?


The Mayans


Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?


Native Americans


Dear iPhone,

Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.


Every iPhone User


Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up....


The Girls of Jersey Shore


Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?



Monday, March 26, 2012


Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters? 

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage? 

Why do we buy hamburgers in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?


Ever wodner why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? 


Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


Friday, March 9, 2012


The new 288 pages of “Road Rules” for the Yucatan contain lots of new information for anyone driving in the Yucatan. You really need to get a copy of the book and the law says you have to have it in your car when driving!

In addition to the new book of road rules, you must have the following items in your vehicle while you are operating it:

1.  A first aid kit

2.  Emergency triangles or “road cones”
 3.  A fire extinguisher

4.  Flashlight (There are specific requirements for what type of flashlight, but I honestly haven’t quite figured this one out as of yet.)
Of course, you must have insurance and supposedly a sticker on your windshield showing that you do, in fact, have insurance. The problem with this is that few, if any, insurance companies are offering this sticker right now! So, the nice police officials at the license renewal office advise that you must have your insurance policy with you.

Your vehicle must also pass an emissions test to make sure you’re not polluting the atmosphere! I somehow think that eventually this part of the new law will eliminate thousands of vehicles from the roads and highways in the Yucatan.

I finally found out where to get this test done. When I renewed my plates back in January, they hadn’t quite set up the inspection stations yet. To the best of my knowledge, there is only one place in the city of Merida that offers this test, and that is the Government building located behind the old city jail. (How appropriate is that!)

When I finally found the place, I was pleased to be the next person in line. Actually, there was no line per se, just two vehicles ahead of me in the process of being tested. The whole process took about 20 minutes and cost 89 pesos. At this particular location, there are only two stations where testing occurs. If ever the lines get long, I can see this easily turning into an all-day affair.

After you pass the test, you pay and they give you a sticker to put on your windshield. I asked where the appropriate location of the sticker should be, and was offered any place, on any window. I opted for the windshield, right lower corner. I’m not sure if this is correct or not, but at least I have the sticker.
So, if stopped at one of the check points around the city, I will be in compliance with the new laws and be street legal. It’s a good feeling.


Tuesday, March 6, 2012


I haven’t posted anything for a while because I’ve been out of the country. Having transferred from the VA hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida, to the VA Hospital in Houston, Texas, it was necessary for me to get registered there and that had to be done in person. I actually stayed in the hospital’s Courtesy Quarters for three days. They have a section of regular hospital rooms that have been converted into guest, or courtesy quarters for use by veterans that have travelled long distances and have scheduled appointments. Not a bad set up and a great deal – free lodging.

All that hospital business didn’t go as well as I had hoped, but I did manage to see a doctor and get my prescription medications refilled. I also have additional appointments to be scheduled at a later date, so that will mean another trip to Houston sometime in the future.

When I was finished up at the Hospital, I travelled to my old stomping grounds in St. Petersburg, Florida. I visited with friends and got to take care of some business matters. It was the first trip I made there since selling my condo and my little red truck! I had several offers to stay with friends, but I’m the type that doesn’t “stay very well”. I guess I’m too independent. I am accustomed to my absolute freedom of coming and going as I please and when I please. I hate to be an imposition on anyone and never will be.

I rented a car at the Tampa Airport and got a nice hotel room centrally located to where I needed to be. My visits went well and all my business and a bit of shopping were accomplished in the allotted time frame of my trip. It was so good to see old friends again. I enjoyed some of my favorite restaurants in the area, and generally had a good time.

Things are definitely different “NOB”. Life is faster, lines are longer, and people could use some general refresher training in manners. Everything seemed so foreign to me. I am really acclimated to life in Merida and I find myself missing it after only a few short days away.

It is good to be home again.

Monday, January 23, 2012


I like to read other blogs to see what people think is worthy of a post.  Some rant, others rave, some give recipes or favorite places to eat, while others outline their daily routines.  I find some extremely boring and others quite interesting and even entertaining.  I guess you could say, something for everyone.  Me, I like to smile.  I like it even better when I can laugh.  I hope these signs will make you smile or laugh. 

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."


On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit, please back in. "


On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."


On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."


On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."


At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."


At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.."


On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts.."

******** ******************

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."


At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."


On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."


Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."


In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."


In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."


At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."


And don't forget the sign at a


"Best place in town to take a leak."


Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

I hope you found one sign that at least made you smile!

Monday, January 16, 2012


Don't stay up nights worrying about any of this!  :-)

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.........

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.