MERIDA MIKEY ON AIRPORT SECURITY

FAIR WARNING: IF ANIMATED NUDITY OFFENDS YOU, PLEASE LOG OUT AND GO TO: WWW.MARY_POPPINS.GET-A-LIFE.


There sure has been lots of talk lately about airport security, ultra-“violating” x-ray machines, and patting down/fondling by Homeland Security personnel working at airports.

I travel quite frequently, but personally, haven’t had the pleasure of going through this procedure of being x-rayed or patted down. I feel this way about it, those that complain the loudest would be the absolute first in line to again complain even louder about lack of security should some unfortunate situation happen on a flight.

You have to really ask yourself “what price safety and security”? If it means going through a “see-all” x-ray machine or getting patted down and/or fondled, so be it. Gentlemen, just close your eyes and pretend you’re getting a lap dance. (Don’t be overly concerned about who's doing the dancing.) And, don’t make a fool of yourself by trying to hand the inspector a ten dollar bill as a tip! Ladies, just think of it as a pre-flight massage/rub down and fly relaxed during your journey. And, no tipping!

There actually is an alternative to all this. You can book your flight on this new start-up airlines that I’m sure will “take off”!

I say whatever it takes to make the skies safe, I'm OK with it. How about you?

AGUINALDO: BONO NAVIDEÑO, OR TO US GRINGOS - CHRISTMAS BONUS!!

Yes, it is definitely that time of year. It all starts with the mail carriers who have their special day on November 12, Dia del Cartero. In your mail box, they will leave a card with a return envelope, preprinted with their name on it. (Convenient, huh?)

You simply insert your “gift” as a token of appreciation for their service for the past year. I think they must like me because I actually participate in giving, partially because I have always given to my mailman when in the States in appreciation for the services they provide, and partially out of fear that if I don’t give, I may never receive another piece of mail as long as I live in Mexico!

On the other hand, I readily give generously to my housekeeper who works for me fulltime, year round. She is an integral part of my adopted family that I have been fortunate enough to have for 23+ years now. She is a single mother and has two children and a small house that she supports on the salary I pay her. In addition, any special needs that arise, I take care of plus I help whenever I can throughout the year. Her Christmas bonus is above and beyond the norm, and includes several gifts for both her and the children. I do believe that it is more blessed to give than to receive and this is one way I can give back to the community that I have chosen to live in. Something I think we all should do.

If you live in Mexico and you have an employee such as a housekeeper, gardener, cook, driver, or just someone who stops by to help you with chores every now and then, you should consider paying an Aguinaldo. It is customary to do so here in the Yucatan and throughout Mexico as well. There are even formulas on the internet to ascertain the amount you should pay!

Basically, from what I have seen from others living here, the Aguinaldo is considered the “Thirteenth Pay”. That is, one months’ salary for either full or part time help. In addition, to the monetary part of the Aguinaldo, a gift, or gifts, are often given as a token of appreciation for loyal service and/or longevity of service, or both.

Aguinaldo’s are usually paid in Mid-November up to the first part of December and often represents the total “Christmas” the family will have, including food, drink, and gifts. Often, the children in the family will receive some new clothing as their gift and are absolutely delighted to do so! (Unlike some children “north of the border”.) Let’s face it, the people that work for us are generally poor and do the best they can with what they have. It doesn’t hurt to help. It feels GREAT!

You don’t have to give until it hurts, just give until it helps.

MERIDA MIKEY ON GIVING 100%

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions.

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96%

But

A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

P.S. I didn't chek with the internet Gestapo, Snopes, to see if this is true.

SOME COMPLETELY WORTHLESS, MOSTLY USELESS, TRIVIAL INFORMATION FOR YOU TO PONDER

I present, for your reading enjoyment, some of the most worthless and useless "stuff" you have ever laid your eyes on! (But, it's fun!!!)

After reading this, you may just say "duh, I didn't know that." (But then again, who cares?) :-)

Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand

And "lollipop" is the longest word typed with your right hand. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth,

but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is.)

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.!)

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that also.)

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE 2 moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that.)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens in the world than people.

Women blink more than me do.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance

Bonus!! All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the Elephants!!

Now you know (a little) more than you did before!! Go forth and be intelligent!